By now, I am sure you have heard of Gary Chapman’s relationship-changing book THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. If you have read the book, great! If not, I would highly recommend it. It is a game-changer, folks. If you are single, married, dating, parenting kids, a devoted friend, a boss, or a coworker; The Five Love Languages can help you foster healthier more meaningful relationships. This isn’t just about embracing Love in a romantic relationship. It’s about Embracing Love, Feeling Loved, and Giving Love. . . PERIOD.
This blog post is NOT meant to be a replacement for the book. There is a wealth of knowledge and inspiration in Mr. Chapman’s book that is necessary for understanding the Five Love Languages and how to speak them. This post is meant to get you started understanding the 5 love languages for yourself and those around you.
And Okay, I’m not going to front. I didn’t pay much attention to love languages until recently. Yes, I know. I’m a mindset coach & talk mindset to feel love all the time. I should know this shit. But recently, a friend asked me, have I tapped into the 5 Love Languages. So I took a deep dive.
What are Love Languages?
In a nutshell, they are the ways we show love and interpret love back. It’s the language we speak when expressing that we care for someone and love them. Love is kindness, so let’s understand it better. The action of loving is different for everyone, there is room for misinterpretations and people can mistake that for lack of connection or I don’t love you back. Love does not come in a one size fits all package. Gary Chapman believes that unhappiness in a relationship often has a simple cause: we speak different love languages that we don’t understand. After you take quick peek at the five languages, find YOUR love language by taking the quiz at the end!
The Five Love Languages. Simplified.
1. Words of affirmation.
Showing love through language and affirmation. This doesn’t just mean compliments. It is … I Love you. I’m thinking about you. Hope you’re having an amazing day!!! Can’t wait to see you later. And if this is your language, hurtful words and character assignation cuts deeper than people who don’t speak this language.
2. Quality time.
Showing love by giving someone your full attention, not just making an effort to spend time. This sounds obvious but, especially in the world we live in today, we don’t give people our full undivided attention. We’re busy looking at our phones. Thinking about tomorrow. Watching television. So, if this is your love language, you may perceive someone who is distracted when they are with you, as them not loving you. But it just may not be their love language. It is just not how they naturally show love.
3. Receiving gifts.
Showing love through things. This doesn’t mean you’re materialistic. It can be little things. Flowers. A dress. New workout clothes? Many see gifts as an expression of love. If you speak this language but your partner doesn’t, you may think they don’t love you because they rarely give you gifts. But they may not show love in that way.
4. Physical touch.
Physical touch is most often confused with “sex.” While intimacy is a big part of it within couples, those who feel loved by physical touch can feel love with a simple hand hold. Remember, every human, any age has preferred love language.
My kids are only 9 and 6, and while I know their love language will change as they grow up, at this time, physical touch is so important. They cannot start their day without a hug and a kiss. They like to cuddle on the couch to watch a movie. If they are playing for an extended period, they stop and come over to hug me. I hope they never grow out of that Love Language if I am being honest!
5. Acts of service.
Expressing love by doing something for someone. Filling their car with gas without them knowing. Cleaning the House. Doing the dishes. A massage. Helping with a work project. Service doesn’t mean submissive. For many, it means I care about you and this is how I choose to express it. If acts of service is not your love language but you’re with someone who speaks this language, one can feel unappreciated and unloved. If someone speaks acts of service, it is good to understand your actions speak louder than your words.
Wrap It Up, Tie It In A Bow
Now you may be thinking this is a lot to take in and I show love in all these ways. They are all important. I conquer. But you gravitate toward one or two languages more than others. They are how you naturally show love. That being said, there is room to grow and stretch and adapt. That’s what relationships are about. You don’t just plug and play. There is a dance. It’s a process. Love languages are just one more thing to explore and discover about someone. It’s all about understanding people’s needs as well as yours. Not about trying to change someone or make deals. This is about fit and compatibility.
Also, remember that love languages are not an excuse to NOT stretch how you show love. Yes, you may have a primary love language, one or two that you gravitate toward the most, but that just means you should work on the other ones. So you speak fluent love, not broken. So dive in with me! Find your love language by taking the quiz HERE. Please share in the comments below your result and I would love to share mine with you!!